My Mother’s Day 2021 post, as someone who has – to be bluntly honest – kinda hated this holiday for a good many years now.
Basically, this is the first Mother’s Day weekend in a very long time where I haven’t turned off my phone and dialed out of social media. The barrage of motherhood photos and posts was simply unbearable as someone who wanted to be a mommy and could not.
How Mother’s Day Feels
Mother’s Day as a wannabe mom, was painful. One example… Though we haven’t gone to church in a very long time due to the pandemic, I had gotten very used to skipping out on mass on Mother’s Day. At some point the priest would always ask the moms to stand up for a special blessing. There I would sit, forcing back tears, staring at my dirty shoes, fists tight, waiting for the “special blessing” to be over. I think it’s lovely to honor moms for the very hard job they have, but I’ve definitely seen this holiday from both sides of the coin, so to speak.
And I think a lot of women have.
That is why you see those lovely little posts like this, floating around on social media. Like this one..
Mother’s Day Before (And After) Infertility
Mother’s Day was always one of the hardest days of the year through my years struggling to have a baby. And now, as I sit here awaiting my first one as a new mom, I still have mixed feelings about it.
I ache that so many women will feel sad on this day.
I love celebrating moms, but also, I feel like all women are moms in some way. And all men are fathers. Maybe that sounds weird, but I think it’s true. We all mother and father certain things in our lives. Sometimes it works beautifully, and sometimes “motherhood” – whatever you are mothering – is hard. All of us have those nurturing, compassionate and caring abilities in us, so I hope we can celebrate that in all humans too.
Even if you are not a mom to humans, thank you for being a nurturing and compassionate person to something or someone or something in your life.
How I’m Celebrating
Honestly, this year for Mother’s Day, I’m just feeling grateful. Maybe this will change in the future, lol, but right now I just want to hug my Rosalie and that’s enough for me.
I’m just so grateful to be Rosalie’s mom. It’s the BEST thing ever for me in my life – my own journey. Thank you for making me mommy, Rose. I looooove you beyond letters on this keyboard could ever type. This Mother’s Day I celebrate YOU and your little life that made this all possible.
Over on Instagram….
In honor of motherhood and all the ups and downs it brings, I wanted to share a caption I posted on Instagram – it shares what motherhood can feel like on some days. (below)
From Instagram… On Mom-ing
“It’s an odd balance of losing yourself and finding yourself all at the same time.” – My words from a recent blogpost.
I love being mom. I love the new shine it puts on how I interact with the world.
As a new mom, I glow like a firecracker when someone stops me on a walk to say how sweet my big-eyed, smiley baby is, her face popping out of my chest in her carrier.
I feel so proud and happy leading this ✨magical✨tiny human on brand new adventures. Every smile and hug feels like I am the luckiest human on earth.
Baby Wall
But some days, I hit a baby wall. I look around and realize all I’ve done all week is laundry, playtime, mealtimes, stroller walks, breastfeeding, baby baths, diaper changes, scarfing down my meals when I get five minutes, in-person baby swim and music classes where the parents barely talk bc we are still socially distanced, masked and still tip-toeing out of a #pandemic. What else? Oh and there’s nightly strolls with my hard-working-on-zoom-calls-all-day husband and maybe the rare Peloton ride and very rare bubble bath on my schedule.
It’s all Rosalie all the time right now. LOVES it. But also, ‘baby wall’ days are VERY REAL.
I miss getting lost in a work project or doing something creative without checking the time or nap schedules.
And I hate feeling exhausted and I hate constantly asking myself if I’m doing it right or if I’m good enough. I don’t have time to cry about any of it though. Maybe that’s a good thing.
It’s all beautiful and challenging and expected.
We all hit walls. And that’s ok. It doesn’t mean you don’t love something, it just means you’re human. And probably don’t have the formula right just yet for BALANCE.
And maybe there is no formula for balance, like EVER, and I just have to be ok with that. What do you think?
Maybe I just need a NAP or DINNER or extra SLEEP and it will all be better tomorrow? POSSIBLE! 🤣
Right now I know three things for sure: 1. I’ve never loved a soul more in my life. 2. As I’m typing this on the bathroom floor while my husband watches her I MISS HER 🥰 3. I’m still figuring out this motherhood in real life thing. 🤦🏼♀️ …. And maybe that’s all I need to know right now.
