
The Problem with the term "Stay at Home Mom" - And my own complicated feelings on it. This is an issue that's been close to my heart for the past four years - so let's talk about it...
There’s a term I’ve never been able to get behind .. stay-at-home mom. Tossed around casually, it attempts to neatly categorize moms who don’t have traditional office jobs. But here’s the thing: the term doesn’t just miss the mark, it couldn't be further from reality.
I’ve been a mom for four years now, and if there’s one thing I know for sure, it’s that staying at home is the last thing I do. My days are a blur of movement - school drop-offs, doctor’s appointments, playdates, grocery runs, and squeezing in creative work whenever possible - at least a few hours each day - hunched over my desk, speedily typing, constantly glancing at the clock to make sure I don't leave for preschool pickup too late.
I interact with teachers, coaches, medical professionals, small business owners, and other parents daily. I juggle logistics, emotions, and responsibilities that shift by the hour. All of which are brand new to me. Every day is on-the-job training. The landscape of Los Angeles my training grounds, I was just dropped here, no "style guide" to abide by. No boss to ask for advice. Just me and my kid crying in the car because I didn't let her go on a playdate that wasn't even happening. Yup, kids plan playdates together at school and then the parents are thrown for a loop...
My most favorite moments in life - ever - are with my child. I love being a mom more than words - but guys, IT'S A LOT. All parents know this. But when you do mom-ing full time, it never leaves your day. Imagine working a shift at work, then staying there forever. It's my dream job, but it's intense.
OUT AND ABOUT
Life as a mom isn’t confined to four walls, as "stay at home mom" depicts. In fact, labeling my life as such feels very dismissive of the scope and complexity of what my mom role entails. More than that, it erases the reality of being a creative worker in the gaps between motherhood - a space where ambition and exhaustion constantly collide.
The most cringe: is when someone you love or trust casually calls you a "stay at home" mom. Honestly. Sorry if that sounds odd to, absolutely, feel defeated from that moment. But I do. Let's talk about why.
So, let’s unpack why stay-at-home mom, as a term..
Moms Are Always in Motion
The idea that moms are staying at home is rooted in an outdated vision of domestic life that no longer applies. In reality, whether we work from home, outside the home, or manage the household full-time, we are constantly out and about.
My mornings start with school drop-off, where I might have a quick chat with teachers or other parents before heading to grab a coffee (sometimes the only moment of stillness I’ll get all day). Then it’s back home - yes, I do technically return to my house - but that doesn’t mean I’m off duty. Whether I am doing 'house things' or 'work things' it's all still just that - work.
photo credit: Rosalie, aka my four year-old. Shot on iPhone.
Laundry. Meal prep. Kitchen cleanup. Toy organizing, aka throwing it all into a bin. Writing, editing, brainstorming creative projects.
By the time school pickup rolls around, I’m out again: tennis lessons, playdates, doctor’s appointments, Target runs. My car functions as an office, snack station, and second home. There’s no neat boundary between parenting, personal life, and work. And yet, somehow, we’re still called stay-at-home moms.
If anything, I’m more out in the world now than I ever was when I had a traditional career.
Voice Leaders Weigh In: Lessons From Power Pause and more...
In a recent interview on The Drew Barrymore Show, author Neha Ruch discussed her book, The Power Pause, emphasizing the importance of mothers reframing how they view breaks in their careers. She encourages women to see these pauses not as setbacks but as opportunities for growth and self-discovery. This perspective aligns with the idea that motherhood is not a period of inactivity but a dynamic phase filled with personal development and community engagement.
Similarly, in her latest book, The Let Them Theory, Mel Robbins introduces a mindset that empowers individuals to focus on what they can control and release the need to manage others’ opinions or judgments. So sure, I could just say, 'let them think I'm a stay at home mom' - and I do - but that doesn't mean I'm not going to rally the troops and use my voice to argue my POV.
The Emotional Labor of “Out in the World” Motherhood
Beyond the physical exhaustion of never sitting still, there’s another layer: the emotional labor.
The emotional multitasking is something that isn’t easily quantified, and it certainly isn’t captured by the phrase stay-at-home mom. The term strips away the nuance of what it means to be deeply engaged in your child’s life and in the world. It reduces a multifaceted role to a static, oversimplified idea: a mom who is simply at home waiting for their kid to get home, so their life can begin. Eyeroll.
A Broader Network Than Ever
One of the most surprising shifts in motherhood is how much bigger my world has become.
Even as someone who worked remotely before having a child, my network has expanded. I interact daily with people from all walks of life - teachers, coaches, doctors, therapists, small business owners, other parents. These aren’t passive, surface-level interactions; they require real energy, effort, and engagement. And intelligence and people skills.
Parenting feels like a constantly shifting job description because nothing is predictable. Some days, it’s peaceful. Other days, it’s absolute chaos. And on top of all that, I’m trying to maintain my own creative identity and career in the slivers of time I can carve out.
It’s ironic, isn’t it? The term stay-at-home mom implies isolation, but I’ve never been more connected—to my child, my community, and the world around me.
Skills in Action
Another reason I take issue with the term? It erases the skills we bring to the table every day.
Motherhood isn’t about staying still at home - it’s about adaptability, creativity, and resourcefulness.
My career skills - like photography, writing, storytelling, and branding - aren’t on hold just because I’m also raising a child. They show up in ways that might not look like a traditional job, but they’re still real, valuable, and active.
I’m still writing. Still networking. Still building something.
And yet, because I’m not earning a traditional paycheck for these things right now, society tends to devalue them. That’s what frustrates me. The term stay-at-home mom reinforces that invisibility, making it seem like these contributions don’t matter because they don’t fit into a clear job title.
I love THE MOM PROJECT and what it does - showcasing how moms are actually amazing hired. They can multitask like no one else. Speak to anyone, anywhere. And are whipsmart at reading people and gauging the emotions in a room.
The Need for a New Term
So, what should we call it?
Community mom? Full-time mom? Person raising tiny humans for zero pay? Flex-working mom? How about just CEO. Literally. CEO of the most important company on the planet - my family.
Transparency: My Own Judgment on Full-Time Moms
To be totally honest, even I am part of the problem. In this post, I keep reminding you that I am not just a mom - that I still have creative projects, run two brands, maintain an online presence, and continue working traditionally, even if it’s much less than before. I’m not even resigning myself to what a stay-at-home mom is supposed to be - someone who is stepping back from a career for a bit. I keep needing you to know that I "still do a lot of creative work!" I'm def not just a stay at home mom...
That's my own self-esteem trying to protect itself. Gross, right? Nah. I'm just human.
But really. I'm all moms. Do you even know a mom who just sits at home all day waiting for their kids to come home? I don't.
Moms do things. We find ways to contribute, create, work, and find joy. We are active, engaged, and constantly in motion.
So, have I internalized the idea that the term "stay-at-home" mom means lazy or uninteresting? Unfortunately, yes. And that realization is frustrating. I wish I didn’t feel that way, but I’m actively working to challenge my own biases. Because the truth is, I judge myself the hardest. Ask my therapist.
I measure so much of my worth through my career, and it’s something I wrestle with constantly. That inner voice telling me, you are not enough unless you have it all - kids, career, husband, flashy friends, big full life.
But here's the replay: you are enough, even if your primary job is being a mom. Your life is big. Even when small things take priority. Careers do not define a soul. And they definitely don't define your genius or mental capacity to achieve things.
That Necklace That Broke Me..
I think I’ve told this story before, but on my very first Mother’s Day, my husband surprised me with a necklace that said “Mom.” I sobbed when I got it. Not because I loved it, but because it labeled me in a way that felt… suffocating. Is this who I am now? Just a mom? Cue the sobbing tears. It felt like a loss of identity, not a celebration.
Over the past few years, I’ve come to love the title Mom a lot more. But I still struggle - especially when the “stay-at-home” label gets attached.
Why This Matters
You might be wondering: Does it really matter what we call it? This is lame. It's just a label. Well, words shape how we see ourselves - and how the world sees us. When we use a term like stay-at-home mom, we reinforce outdated stereotypes that don’t reflect the reality of modern motherhood.
For moms like me - who are deeply involved in their children’s lives but also trying to maintain their own creative identity - the term feels limiting. It doesn’t capture the energy, ambition, or effort that go into this role.
By rethinking the language, we create space for moms to feel seen - not as people who “stay at home,” but as active, engaged, ambitious members of their families and communities.
A Final Thought
Motherhood is an ever-evolving journey, and no two moms’ experiences look the same. But one thing is clear: we’re not staying at home.
We’re moving. Adapting. Building.
We create. Work. Contribute. Thrive.
Supermoms is more like it...
xoxo, Kathy
photo credit: karin in Copenhagen for flytographer